The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love brings immense meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which my latest blog post acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .

But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical check intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though advice in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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